A man and a woman married. They bought a small Cape Cod house in the suburbs, an older structure but functional and aesthetically pleasing.
One day, the garage door malfunctioned; a spring had broken. The wife, who worked from home, arranged for the repair.
Several days later, the husband returned from work to find the garage door repaired. He was quite pleased, and told his wife so. That made her happy, as the repairman had suggested performing other household repairs. Having done such a fine job on the garage door, the man readily agreed.
As time went on and items around the house were fixed, the man sensed a growing distance between him and his wife. Slowly it seemed their relationship was breaking down. He did not know why.
One day, he discovered his wife had engaged in an affair with the strapping, tall repairman. This shattered the husband’s trust and broke his heart. He could not remain in such a relationship.
The wife, realizing what she had lost, ended the affair and begged the husband for a second chance. “Let’s start over,” she said.
Yet the husband refused; not because he didn’t want to be with her, but because he could no longer trust her with his heart. He could have easily taken her back, and he did indeed ponder such, but every time he did his own heart felt empty.
The wife, frustrated with the husband’s refusal to take her back, said to him in exasperation, “What must I do to earn your grace?”
“You can’t earn grace. There is only one way that can make my heart whole again to where I can give it meaningfully. You have to turn away from what you did, completely, by asking for forgiveness. When you choose me, really choose me with all of your heart and all of your soul, only then will it matter to me. Otherwise, if I took you back, where is the meaning? Where is the love?”
I have been more intentional with trying to understand Calvinism recently. This story, from a dream I had, may not be a perfect analogy to it; obviously human marriage and God’s relationship with us are very different. The dream illustrates my struggle with the genuineness of choice. Specifically, the dream was not just about repentance but the relational aspect behind it. Love matters because it is freely given.
How does that relate to Calvinism? Calvinism, at least in how I understand it today, states that we do choose Him. The question, though, is what makes that choice possible, and whether it could have been otherwise. At the risk of possibly oversimplifying Calvinism, it is a theological framework devised by people trying to understand an aspect of the character of God we struggle with. If God is sovereign and omniscient, knowing in advance all who are saved, how can free will enter into this? If we are predestined to be saved or not, what difference do our choices make in our salvation? If God irresistibly causes the change of heart that leads to repenting, how is the choice truly free, if there is no possibility of choosing otherwise?
Yet isn’t it the choice to repent part of what gives the relationship meaning? Why can’t God be sovereign and permit free will with responsibility for choices made at the same time? Perhaps permitting that freedom is itself an expression of His sovereignty. Perhaps He designed us with freedom to choose because He desires a relationship bound by genuine love, not a contract or by decree.
I think there is danger in trying to define God’s character with our language and concepts. There are some things we are not designed to understand, but know enough to question. Consider an infinite, three-dimensional universe, where you travel in a straight line, forever. How can one wrap their mind around that?
We see shadows of elements of eternity and God’s realm without being able to comprehend it. A favorite example of an analogy is a being that lives solely in two dimensions, length and width, no depth. Put a piece of paper (the two-dimensional creature’s universe) under a light and position your hand between the light and the paper. The two-dimensional creature sees a shadow but cannot comprehend the three dimensions of the full hand.
That’s where I’ve landed currently in my Calvinism investigation. There are some things about the character of God that I cannot understand, that I must accept in faith.
There is great comfort and faith in accepting God is sovereign and we are not, that His ways are not ours, as written in Romans 11:33-34 (NASB):
Oh, the depth of the riches, both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor?
I have come to believe He gave us free will so we can truly love Him; that love given in true choice has meaning that compelled love does not. We may not be able to understand the mechanics, but He graciously has given us the capability to understand love.
